Preliminary Diagnosis-MS Pt.2

November 2nd had come with so many questions. I had a Dr.'s appointment that felt could take a turn for the worse. The entire day I felt sick from not just the dizziness, headaches, and pain, but also from how worried I was becoming.

I have anxiety and have suffered from depression on and off my entire life. I still cry for big moments that overwhelm me and have done my best to not only control my anxieties, but also my fears. This particular day had me at an optimal level of anxiety. To reflect on this now, I am grateful to have many people by my side.

I sit in the waiting room wanting to just fall asleep. This entire time I am looking down to avoid feeling even more dizzy and unbalanced. I could not look up without the room spinning. I put on my "calming" playlist and just waited with my mother. Tears just rolling down with my head on my shoulder. We go into the section where vitals are taken and I had lost another pound, temperature is fine, BP was fine, and my blood sugar was fine. A walk from the vitals station to the Dr.'s room was brutal. I got onto the exam table and fell asleep. Thinking over and over, "What did I do"?

The doctor walks in and states the findings of my MRI test. "There is a clear indication that there are several lesions on your brain from the MRI tests. I am referring you to a neurologist to confirm my preliminary diagnosis. Ma'am, you have Multiple Sclerosis", says the Dr. Millions of things are running through my mind and I was unable to ask my questions because I was slow in speaking and was slurring my words. Thankfully, my mom was in the room asking questions, and I just listened.

Again, the thoughts of WHY come in. Then, the thoughts of HOW. Lead by, WHAT DO I DO?

I was in absolute shock and my anxiety was becoming clearer to my doctor. She prescribes two new meds for depression and anxiety as well as a steroid pack. Ok, I felt it was the time to start doing something about how horrible I was feeling.

Along with all this, I could not stop thinking about work, coaching, my current relationships, and my life in general. I am 26, starting a life of my own, and I felt it had just all fallen. It was in this moment that I felt that I came to a wall. Stoney and sharp to the touch. No way over, under, or around it.

A stop.

Uncontrolled stop.

A sinking feeling.

Because it all stopped.

Ceased with no intention to surrender.

With a heart absolutely tender.

Many appointments were made, yet they seemed so far. I began to think of how long I could go without working, without my pay being docked, how many Dr.'s visits I was going to need to have.

I felt lost.

#lifelessons #staystrong #multiplesclerosis #preliminarydiagnosis #newlife #storygoeson

Designed by [Prickly Pear] Andrea